


Equius and Nepeta go to the Vet

by clowncumjar



Series: Homestuck: Into the Cummyverse [6]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: EquiNep - Freeform, Euthanasia, Gen, Milking, Nepeta impregnates everyone, Rabies, pleasedonttakethisseriouly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:02:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23487265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clowncumjar/pseuds/clowncumjar
Summary: Nepeta gets in some trouble and Equius takes her to the vet.
Relationships: Nepeta Leijon & Equius Zahhak, Nepeta Leijon/Equius Zahhak
Series: Homestuck: Into the Cummyverse [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1565008
Comments: 5
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the long delay, I got stuck on the toilet for four months and my girlfriend finally got me out of there.  
> We recommend reading these in order...everything's connected.

Equius is in his bed, dreaming about his milk daddy. Arthur. Oh god I want your milk mmmmmm I’m thirsty daddy. He feels something wet on his chest. Did he get his wish? Nah Nepeta threw up on his chest because she needs to be let outside to go pee pee at 3 AM. Equius grumbles and lets the feral woman outside; she was banned from doorknobs last month due to the...incident. Nepeta’s taking her sweet piss time tonight, and Equius was just about to get his dream milk, so he goes back inside forgetting about that Nepeta was forbidden from opening doors. 

Equius wakes up the next morning feeling well and rested. But something was…..off. There wasn’t a little cat lady peacefully sleeping on his chest. Wait. Fuck. He didn’t let Nepeta in from her 3 AM pee pee! Shit! God damn. Mother FUCK. He opens the door to hundreds of NEIGHbors wielding pitchforks and torches. One of the NEIGHbors is holding Nepeta up by the back of her coat. She had a blank expression with foam at the mouth. Equius’ expression widens. Oh n- “YOUR GOD DAMN CAT IMPREGNATED MY DOGS” yelled one villager. “YOUR CAT MADE MY WIFE PREGNANT” said another. Equius snatches Nepeta from one of the NEIGHbors. “Heh heh this must be a misunderstanding uh LOOK OVER THERE!” As the crowd looks behind them, Equius throws a smoke bomb among all the people in order to make his escape. As he closes the back door he holds up Nepeta, inspecting her foamy mouth. Now this a shock. Rabies?!? Nepeta impregnating 20 animals is routine but rabies? That was a first. “N-Nepeta, how did you get r-rabies?” Nepeta twitches spastically in Equius’ arms. “A racoooooooooooon :3” Well shit this is serious. It’s about time to go to the vet anyway, it’s that time of the month when he needs to be milked. His teats ache….. anyways. He grabs Nepeta by the balls and throws her in the cat carrier. It’s vet time.

Equius enters the vet, carrier in hand. No other patients are in the waiting area, as Equius’ milking days require an empty office. If any other patients were there, there would be fatalities. Luckily another vet was on staff to take care of Nepeta.

Nepeta froths and squirms in her carrier. God having rabies makes your mouth taste like cocaine. She’s just being funny. She’s never eaten cocaine. Just a metaphor. Don’t worry about it. If you were to look in the cage, you would see nothing but rabies froth, no cat woman to be seen. Despite this, Nepeta peers out the carrier and looks at the animals in the cages passing by. As she looks, she spots 20 hideous peach bright red and purple grub babies. 

Bright red...peach...purple...HOLY SHIT. It has to be. There’s no other way. Gamzee escaped from prison and started fucking Karkat and Dave. Nepeta begins to screech and claw through the carrier to get Equius’ attention, but she was already being handed to the veterinarian.  
Equius kneels down to look at Nepeta. “Alright be good ok? Don’t gouge the vet’s eyes out ok?” Nepeta begins to sputter, “BUT GRUB BABIES!!!!! PURPLE!!!! GAMZEE GOT OUT AGAIN” Equius turns to the vet, “See? She’s losing it. Now if you’ll excuse me daddy’s gotta get his teats milked.” He leaves and enters the awaiting room with at least 10 veterinarians inside waiting for him.

Nepeta is placed in a different room with other cats to be evaluated by a vet. The vet comes in and sticks a thermometer up her ass. She pulls it out. “Oh dear, this isn’t good.” She takes a bit of foam from her mouth and places it under a microscope. The vet tsks. She turns to Nepeta, “Well Miss Leijon this isn’t good. I’m not telling you what exactly but I’ll simply tell you enough to convince your owner it’s bad enough and that he’ll save money by having us put you down. It saves us more money than it will him but hey what can you do.” SHIT. Put down?? Aw Nepeta you really fucked one too many animals this time. As Nepeta sits on the examining table, she hears Eqiuius scream in agony and the sound of gushing milk. The vet hears the screams and runs into Equius’ room, leaving Nepeta alone. 

It takes three hours to finish with Equius and for him to come pick Nepeta up. When he comes into Nepeta’s room, it looks like he has lost at least 50% of his body weight. “S-so is she better now? Good to go?”  
“No Mister Zahhak, I’m afraid you have two difficult options for her. You can either chop her balls off and drug her up with thousands of dollars worth of pills that will harm her in the long run, or, you can put her down.”  
Equius furrows his brows and thinks for a moment. “You know what I think I’ll just go ahead and put her down.”  
“WHAT THE FUCK” Nepeta screeches.  
“But may I have a final moment with her? Please this is a very tough decision for me.”  
The vet nods and leaves the room. Equius whispers to Nepeta, “Ok I’m not paying that much fucking money to chop of your beautiful god-given balls. I’m busting you out of here uh ok here’s the plan. Ok so take off all of your clothes and put it on that grey cat over there, and we’ll let him get put down and you’ll escape in the carrier I brought you in got it?” Nepeta nodded and stripped while Equius pulled a perfectly healthy grey cat out of its cage. Equius put Nepeta’s clothes on the cat. Nepeta gave the cat a lil kiss as they lay the cat down on the examining table. Sorry Mr. Whiskers, but we spent all of our money on Equius’ milking. A butt balls naked Nepeta crawled into the carrier, and her and Equius proudly left the vet’s office.  
This is what a healthy moirallegiance looks like.

RIP Mr. Whiskers 2012-2020


	2. Weeks in the future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> but only one

“…and thanks to fans’ generous donations, Banye West will be releasing their brand new album entitled-“  
The TV display switches abruptly, jumping to some random news anchor shuffling papers on a desk.  
“Breaking news! Gamzee Makara, infamous drug dealer and criminal, has grubs!”

You jolt in your chair.

“A breed of grubs were found just a week ago behind the local Denny’s. They were reported to animal services and sent to a veternarian clinic, where they were DNA-tested to uncover the parents. Using a complicated scientific process that yields 100% accurate results, the doctors revealed that Gamzee probably raped two dudes at once or something. Everyone is happy with this because it will put him back in jail”

You grip the armrests. Your nails dig into the fabric. Gamzee… fucked two dudes at once..?

Without you?

You really weren’t good enough.

You sob in your hands.

_Gamzee_ , you think, _I only wanted to satisfy you… Why couldn’t you see that..?_

This is the worst day of your life.

You need some depression food.

* * *

You walk to the nearby McDonald’s. You put the hood of your sweatshirt up to convey exactly how fucking sad you are to the outside world. You need at least 50 mcnuggets and three ice creams for this. God that machine had better fucking work or you’re gonna have a meltdown

You get to the doors and lean on them, using your body to open them instead of your hands. You just can’t be bothered to use them right now.

The cashier sees you enter and groans, putting a huge tray of food that she had been munching on down behind the counter. “That’s it for today I guess. L8er 8itches, stay horny!” she says to her phone before putting it away too. You walk up to the counter and she sighs again. Her name tag says VRISKA, but you don’t need to read that to know who she is. Everyone knows who she is, and you are blessed to be in the same room as her. Such radiant, flawless beauty is not intended for mere mortals to gaze upon, but here she is. Working at McDonald’s and taking your order, right in front of you.

“What the fuck are you looking at shithead”

You break your stare and stammer an apology, turning your gaze to the floor and shoving your hands in your front pocket.

“Just fucking order your shit so I can get 8ack to work”

Okay, yeah, you can do that no problem. “Uhh,h,,” you shakily reply, “I’ll have ff,,,,f,,fifty mcnuggies,”

“ **88 MCNUGGERS FOR THE 8ASIC WHITE 8ITCH** ” Vriska shouts behind her. You notice that Dave’s back there, leaning against a fridge on his phone. “got it” he answers. He doesn’t move.

“And, uhh,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, also a choccy milk,<?</,,”

“ **AND A CHOCOL8 MIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLKKKKKKKK** ”

“yeah i think we got a fresh crate of milk like last week or smth, our provider really went ham”

“An,,,d,d,,,, p erh ap, ss, , thr ee ice crea m s,, m ‘ l ad y.bv???n”

“ **AND THREEEEEEEE ICE CUMSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!** ”

Mituna peeks up from behind the ice cream machine and snickers. “1C3 CR34M57H 4R3 0U774 0RD33R7”. He’s been peeing in it again.

God fucking damn it. God fucking DAMN it. this was all you needed. this was the make or break situation and darling mituna peed in your lifeline.

You start having a breakdown at the McDonald’s counter. Vriska shrugs and brings out her phone again, texting while you struggle just to remain standing. You’re sad. And you’re pissed. Not at Mituna – you could never hate Mituna. He is perhaps the single ray of glorious piss-colored sunshine in this whole mess.

No, you’re pissed at everything and everyone else.

You’re pissed at Gamzee for cheating on you, you’re pissed at Dave for not going to get your nugglets or milk, and FUCK are you pissed at Vriska for not giving a single shit about you while you cry your eyes out and get all snotty over the tile flooring. Sure, she may be beautiful and flawless and the epitome of grace but

w

what?

no she fucking isn’t

“Yo why are you so fucking fat??????”

You catch a glimpse of Vriska’s offended face. A quick glance of Dave starting to laugh his juicy ass off, and of Mituna continuing to piss in the ice cream machine. Yeah, you go man. Do your business. Live your truth.

No sooner than you think that, Vriska reaches over the counter and slaps you hard in the face.

And then everything

goes

black


End file.
